Happy birthday, little one

I felt you first.  I remember the first time, you moved in me.  It was like we were having a secret conversation and I cherished it so much.  Throughout the weeks prior to your arrival you became more and more active and I loved being able to let Daddy feel you move too.  No longer were you just the size of a pea, but you were growing each and every week until you were the size of a watermelon!

I read book after book.  I made freezer meals, cleaned my house, washed all your tiny clothes, and waited.  Could you tell I was scared?  I would talk to you and imagine what it would be like to finally hold you in my arms.

But then you were here.  Eighteen days early, on a beautiful spring afternoon.  They placed you in my arms and I sobbed.  I felt my heart do the something I didn't know was possible - it grew.  I counted your finger and your toes, I kissed your tiny lips and stroked your baby soft skin.  It was love at first sight.

We brought you home and despite all the books and article I had read, I still felt so unprepared for motherhood.  Nobody tells you about the countless sleepless nights, of the baby cries that hurt your heart, or the thoughts of  
                                        Am I doing this right?
                                       Is he in pain?
                                      Does he know how much I love him?
                                      Will I ever feel like I have this motherhood thing down?
                                    
This last year we have grown together -you and I and we are still continuing to do so.  I have realized that I would do anything to make you happy, and that that makes me happy.  Nobody could have prepared me to understand all the love I would feel for you.  And I don't know that I can begin to put it into words.  You are my sunshine on a cloudy day and my rainbow after the storm.  You are my little buddy and I look forward to seeing you grow.

I birthed and made you, but you -- you made me a mother and that is a title that will always be most dear to my ears.

Happy Birthday, little one.

Love,
Your Mommy